By Dave Taylor
As my wife and I drove home from a grocery pickup the other day she was commenting on how thankful she was that I was driving her and she said something profound: one of these days will be the last day I get out of bed.
Somehow I had never really thought of that.
My newest chemotherapy treatment has left me terribly tired and unable to do much for large parts of the day so it’s very conceivable that one of these days will be the last day I feel like getting up.
Will this time come when I’m already on Hospice? Will I linger long after that before I go to my Heavenly home?
I wonder if the people I’ve known who’ve died had thoughts like this. Did death loom large on their horizon as a threat to their entire existence?
It’s probably bad how often the prospect of dying pops into my mind. It was only in February that I was told it was time to go on Hospice, so what happens if this chemo stops working? Are there others I can try? Or ones I’ve tried that I can try again? I’m not ready to give up.
Death isn’t scary per se, because I know I’m going to be with God and that’s a promise, but I’m still wanting to do stuff here. I do often wonder though, if I’ve grown too attached to this life for my own good.
Life is about more than cars and furniture and home projects. It’s about more than friendships and hang outs. Life is about loving God and standing on his promises.
This is not my home. I’m merely passing through.
I’ve enjoyed my time here though. I truly have. I’ve led a blessed life that saw very few hardships until recently. I felt like God protected me from myself a lot of the time and even when I was missing opportunities, they were missed for a reason.
I love writing this column, even though it sometimes gets difficult to write about the same subject every week for more than a year while trying to keep it interesting enough to read.
I have about two months left until I get another CT scan to tell me whether my cancer is growing or shrinking. So until that day I need to put any worry in God’s hands and live my life to the fullest.