Skip to content

What I Learned From Dying: Holding out hope

Dave Taylor

So last week I had to make the decision whether to try a new chemo that could likely kill me or stop all treatment and just slowly succumb to the cancer that is already killing me.
I guess I sort of wimped out and chose something in the middle.
I decided to try the new chemo to see if it had major side effects and to see how successful it might be in killing me, with the idea that I could always quit and let Hospice make me comfortable till I die.
It’s still a scary place to be.
As my doctor said, there are no good options.
He said there were several possibilities, with no major side effects and a shrinking cancer being one. That though, was by far the least likely.
Every other option of the more likely ones includes either feeling terrible or dying, or both. No fun.
But for now I’ve bought myself a little breathing room, where I can kind of mentally keep death at arm’s length for a bit.
The fact that death is so close now is tough to wrap my head around. When it’s presumed to be in the distant future, or just in the abstract, it’s easy to feel like you’ve dealt with it.
Since I became a Christian at the age of 7 I’ve been comfortable with where I’m going after I die. My sights were always firmly set on Heaven, but it was all very far away.
Now I’m faced with the literal probability that I won’t be here for Christmas, so the preparations for death are very sudden and very real.
Every single thing in my life has to be dealt with. I’m finding myself having to write out passwords to my social media and email accounts so my family isn’t locked out of them when I’m gone.
I’m putting big items up for sale, but I have to wonder what to do about things I own that others wouldn’t want. What happens to my softball glove? Does it just take up space in the house when Jamie lives here alone? Do my clothes get donated? I hate to think about these things but I’d also hate to be the one left here to make those decisions.
I’m grateful though, that I’m not holding on to a bunch of regrets. I haven’t lived a perfect life or anywhere near it, but generally speaking I’ve always tried to be a godly man and to treat everyone well.
I don’t have a wish list of things I was hoping to accomplish or see happen. Maybe that speaks to my lack of drive or something but I’m happy that I’m not longing to visit France or to raise a child and see them married off many years from now.
My life has been pretty simple, if unremarkable, but even remarkable lives are often forgotten.
I just hope that those who’ve known me remember me fondly and without any grudges.
Then I can move on to Heaven where I hope to hear God say “well done, good and faithful servant.”
To me that’s a life well-lived.
dave.hancockclarion@gmail.com

By Dave Taylor

7 Comments

  1. Connie Dunca on February 16, 2022 at 2:09 pm

    Dave, you have lead such a remarkable life and we’re so proud of your unwavering faith in our Lord. I know an older lady in Lewisport, that cuts out your weekly article’s, you have been such an inspiration to her (she’s 96), to me and every person that knows you Dave Taylor! Love you Dave, Connie

  2. Jamie Gray on February 16, 2022 at 7:55 pm

    Thinking of you Dave, praying for healing and comfort for your mind and body. I always enjoyed our talks, so thankful that you have Jamie there beside you.

  3. Darlene Brown on February 16, 2022 at 10:10 pm

    First thing I read is your article in the Clarion every week. You have a way with words to make things just the way they are. I pray for you in my daily prayers.So many times I thought this is the end. BUT God isn’t done with you yet ! You hang in there you and the Lord has this. Hang Tight !

  4. Peggy Meriwether on February 17, 2022 at 6:17 am

    Well Dave, I hate your situation so bad, but I guess we all basically try living a good life, but I think you hit the nail on the head. You are a true inspiration to us all. I don’t know how you’ve been sick with cancer and continued to live a good life; being a true example of what we should all strive to be. I will continue praying for you for peace and comfort. I’ve appreciated your articles in your journey. Thank you for the example you have shown us all in your journey with this monster.

  5. Scott Fitzgerald on February 17, 2022 at 11:22 am

    I’m an extremely lucky guy for knowing and having Dave Taylor as a friend in my lifetime. “well done, good and faithful servant”? Yea I’ll say and then some …

  6. Karen Calvert on February 17, 2022 at 2:45 pm

    This was so beautifully written by you Dave. I have Prayed that you and Jamie have much more time together, and that you would be cured from this horrible disease. God knows what his plan is for you Dave, and what will be best for you. I myself being a Christian, truly believe this, but we don’t always like it. My heart is broken for you and Jamie because I see a wonderful Love you both have for each other, that will probably be cut short. I will continue Praying for you and Jamie and Pray you have more good times together. MY Blessings to you, Karen Calvert.

  7. Carolyn Roberts on February 18, 2022 at 10:12 pm

    Dave,
    Praying God will put his healing hand on you and give you more time. God Bless You 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

    Carolyn Roberts

Leave a Comment